The Apprentice Review
23 March 2006 | By Alexandra Jeffreys
A game as transparent as a bad comb over. While the hype may have lead us to expect something a little more substantial
A game as transparent as a bad comb over. While the hype may have lead us to expect something a little more substantial, you can see through it like scalp through wispy hairs. The moral of the story must be that no matter how good your hairdresser is, if there isn't anything there, there isn't anything there. That, and making crappy games will see you mocked mercilessly, in much the same way having silly hair will.
Perhaps it is this lesson that the Trump corporation needed to learn before they allowed this game on the market. Where were Carolyn and George on this one? Does the Donald need to think about hiring a new advisory team? If he built buildings like this game, New York would be full of flimsy towers that you couldn't actually live or work in, and looked like they were stacked by a gigantic two year old.
Essentially, this game boasts none of the luxury or majestic production that we have come to expect from Trump. In fact, it feels more like a bunch of renegade apprentices took this project on themselves, then spent the entire time backstabbing one another and chugging lattes before out sourcing the project to some college kids they met on a lunch break.
Harsh words, true, but when you install this flash in the pan game, you'll understand why. Then you too can mail in with your own comb over/crappy game jokes. I'll break this game down into its issues, so you can fully understand just what the hell went wrong here.
Issue number one: It's not even a game. Oh you heard me right, there is damn near nothing here that constitutes an overall game. Essentially it is a collection of mini games. Given the scope for something really awesome to have been produced, this is extremely disappointing.
Issue number two: The mini games aren't even that good. I have played better free online games. Hell, I have played better games put together by small children who got given a game editor for Christmas. They tend to be repetitive, and to add insult to injury, not even original. You are basically either selling things, or solving puzzles. Very simple puzzles. Puzzles that suck.
Issue number three: This game looks like crap. It had to be said. This is a blocky, stilted looking game. A game with Donald Trump's face on the cover should transport you to an exciting alternative universe, where helicopter rides are the norm, and New York's stunning vistas of skyscrapers open up to you. Instead you get some colorful blocks and the impression that New York is something a nursery threw up.
Issue number four: This game totally misses the point of what made The Apprentice awesome. The Apprentice is cool because you get to see ego maniacal zealots coming up against the grand ego maniacal zealot, and try to impress him. You get to see people in armani crying and backstabbing one another like junior high girls. You get to see people beg pitifully not to be fired when everyone else knows its all over and is just cringing with embarrassment.
There is absolutely none of that in this game. If you were to play this game having never seen the show, you would think it was more like a business version of a nickelodeon double dare episode, except less interesting. The climax of the show, when someone gets to hear those immortal words, “YOU'RE FIRED”, has been turned into a word jumble. A word jumble! You bring in two of your peers, and Donald assesses your business expertise and savvy by assigning you word puzzles. This apparently was considered to be a good idea. I have no idea what the hell Legacy Interactive were thinking, but hopefully there is a good story behind why this game turned out so shockingly.
I sincerely hope that an employee ran away to Tijuana with the development budget and five of the company's best secretaries, thus throwing them into disarray and a mad dash to get something, anything out on time. If that's not the case, then I nominate them to be first up against the wall when the revolution comes.
Things don't get any better when it comes to characterization, or voice acting. Some of the characters are recognizable from the show, others look like they were mauled by a cartoonist. The voice acting sounds strange, like they abducted Mr Trump in the early hours of the morning, drugged him and forced him to repeat trite phrases over and over again.
Not only all that, but this game will be over within twenty minutes to an hour. You'll be glad it did. You will then wish for a refund of the full purchase price, and very possibly sue to get the time you spent on this horrendous mockery of a game back.
Perhaps it is this lesson that the Trump corporation needed to learn before they allowed this game on the market. Where were Carolyn and George on this one? Does the Donald need to think about hiring a new advisory team? If he built buildings like this game, New York would be full of flimsy towers that you couldn't actually live or work in, and looked like they were stacked by a gigantic two year old.
Essentially, this game boasts none of the luxury or majestic production that we have come to expect from Trump. In fact, it feels more like a bunch of renegade apprentices took this project on themselves, then spent the entire time backstabbing one another and chugging lattes before out sourcing the project to some college kids they met on a lunch break.
Harsh words, true, but when you install this flash in the pan game, you'll understand why. Then you too can mail in with your own comb over/crappy game jokes. I'll break this game down into its issues, so you can fully understand just what the hell went wrong here.
Issue number one: It's not even a game. Oh you heard me right, there is damn near nothing here that constitutes an overall game. Essentially it is a collection of mini games. Given the scope for something really awesome to have been produced, this is extremely disappointing.
Issue number two: The mini games aren't even that good. I have played better free online games. Hell, I have played better games put together by small children who got given a game editor for Christmas. They tend to be repetitive, and to add insult to injury, not even original. You are basically either selling things, or solving puzzles. Very simple puzzles. Puzzles that suck.
Issue number three: This game looks like crap. It had to be said. This is a blocky, stilted looking game. A game with Donald Trump's face on the cover should transport you to an exciting alternative universe, where helicopter rides are the norm, and New York's stunning vistas of skyscrapers open up to you. Instead you get some colorful blocks and the impression that New York is something a nursery threw up.
Issue number four: This game totally misses the point of what made The Apprentice awesome. The Apprentice is cool because you get to see ego maniacal zealots coming up against the grand ego maniacal zealot, and try to impress him. You get to see people in armani crying and backstabbing one another like junior high girls. You get to see people beg pitifully not to be fired when everyone else knows its all over and is just cringing with embarrassment.
There is absolutely none of that in this game. If you were to play this game having never seen the show, you would think it was more like a business version of a nickelodeon double dare episode, except less interesting. The climax of the show, when someone gets to hear those immortal words, “YOU'RE FIRED”, has been turned into a word jumble. A word jumble! You bring in two of your peers, and Donald assesses your business expertise and savvy by assigning you word puzzles. This apparently was considered to be a good idea. I have no idea what the hell Legacy Interactive were thinking, but hopefully there is a good story behind why this game turned out so shockingly.
I sincerely hope that an employee ran away to Tijuana with the development budget and five of the company's best secretaries, thus throwing them into disarray and a mad dash to get something, anything out on time. If that's not the case, then I nominate them to be first up against the wall when the revolution comes.
Things don't get any better when it comes to characterization, or voice acting. Some of the characters are recognizable from the show, others look like they were mauled by a cartoonist. The voice acting sounds strange, like they abducted Mr Trump in the early hours of the morning, drugged him and forced him to repeat trite phrases over and over again.
Not only all that, but this game will be over within twenty minutes to an hour. You'll be glad it did. You will then wish for a refund of the full purchase price, and very possibly sue to get the time you spent on this horrendous mockery of a game back.
THE APPRENTICE VERDICT
Not only all that, but this game will be over within twenty minutes to an hour. You’ll be glad it did. You will then wish for a refund of the full purchase price, and very possibly sue to get the time you spent on this horrendous mockery of a game back.
TOP GAME MOMENT
What I did with this game once I ejected the disk. I can’t tell you any more than that for legal reasons.
