The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings Review

Frustrating. Buggy. Irritating. Incomplete. These are just some of the words that describes The Witcher 2, arguably our most anticipated game of the year. But there’s more. Epic. Stunning. Gorgeous. Thrilling. Classic. CD Projekt have definitely crafted a masterpiece, but it’s by no means a perfect one.

The story goes like this: someone’s killing kings, and titular Witcher Geralt has been framed. He (meaning you) must clear his (your) name, catch the kingslayer, and figure out who would do such a thing and why. Anyone who hasn’t played the first game doesn’t need to worry too much (as I’d forgotten most of it but got along fine), but it certainly adds to the experience if you already know characters such as sorceress/love interest Triss, drunken bard Dandelion and similarly drunken dwarf Zoltan.

I think that's known as "overkill"

Saves from The Witcher are used to tailor the story a little, but I don’t know how important they are to the story. You only get hints of the action in Vizima, and the choices you made there aren’t quite as crucial as they are here. For god’s sake make sure you keep your saves for Witcher 3. But we’re getting ahead of ourselves.



Ask anyone what they thought the best aspect of The Witcher was and they’ll probably say “choice and consequence”. Unlike any other game (even the mighty Deus Ex) your actions can drastically affect the story, and a choice made early in the game could help or hinder you hours later. CD Projekt takes this even further with Witcher 2, with major decisions made as early as Act 1 radically changing the rest of the game and story.

Why haven’t any other games offered this degree of choice? Because it’s f**king hard to develop. CD Projekt have in essence made several games in one, with every decision bouncing off every character and quest, affecting them in ways the majority of players won’t ever see. Thinking back on the choices I made over the course of the game I was astonished when I realised how different things could’ve gone, and how completely different the rest of the game would’ve felt. It’s a form of player freedom that beats the huge worlds of Bethesda and the comparatively simplistic actions of Bioware, at least for me.

Which is great, because the rest of the game doesn’t quite offer players the same amount of choice. You have to play Geralt, you have to fight with a sword and a few simple magic spells, and except when a quest demands it you’re not allowed companions. Don’t expect the customization options of either Dragon Age or Oblivion. If you’re cool with this, excellent, because it’s allowed CD Projekt to concentrate on making the rest of the game superb… barring a few problems.

Combat involves battling multiple enemies with quick and heavy attacks that can be chained together, along with the occasional spell, trap, bomb, dagger etc. It can be great fun, especially when you’ve levelled-up enough to afford the Adrenaline bar and finishing moves.

Trouble is it can also be incredibly frustrating. Block inexplicably uses the same energy pool as magic and takes ages to refill even on higher levels, meaning if you’re out of energy you have no way of stopping enemy attacks. The Quen shield spell is utterly essential, often to the point where if I didn’t have it on I’d die quickly. And you will, since there’s little on-screen warning that Geralt’s health is low and even the most basic enemies can kill you in seconds.

My favourite character in the game, an alcoholic troll

Just to add to the frustration, sometimes the auto-lock on function won’t work and Geralt will swing at air despite his target being right in front of him (even if that target’s a huge dragon that fills the screen). I’m not going to complain about bugs too much since CD Projekt are exceptionally good at tracking them down (remember the Enhanced Edition they gave away free?), but they are there. This isn’t a 100% polished game.

Frustration comes in at far too many moments. Some of the boss battles are just utterly unfair, but there’s such a massive gulf between Easy and Normal it feels like cheating to reduce the difficulty. One fight against the kingslayer saw him spam magic attacks and block often (which was impossible for me) which I really struggled with, but on Easy he didn’t fight back at all and I just quick-attacked him to death. I can’t even imagine doing it on Hard, let alone Insane.

Then there’s the beginning. The Prologue, set during the attack on La Vallette castle, both utterly fails to tell you everything you need to know and is far too difficult. I previewed the game, knew the combat well, and still died several times during the “tutorial” fight. It also never says that Block drains energy, potions can only be taken in Meditation (which can’t always been done) through the quick-bar, or how rear attacks cause 200% damage, all of which are crucial facts. Oh, and in the dungeon make sure to choose your dialogue options in the correct order or you might find yourself in a huge battle before you’ve even learned how to fight.

All of which is annoying, including the game’s total inability to save when you want it to (like before a major boss fight perhaps, and after the unskippable cutscene). I’ll admit the game pissed me off on many occasions. Any other game and I might’ve rage-uninstalled at several points. The Witcher 2 though is special. The world is alive, overgrown, and beautiful. What, you thought I wasn’t going to mention graphics? Not on your life, not when CD Projekt have easily created the most incredible looking RPG available. That’s what you get when you go PC exclusive. Just look at the shots, you don’t need anything else.

The world is also full of people that aren’t clear-cut bad or good, just ordinary folk in trying circumstances. Civilians can describe a character as a hero or a monster, but talk to those characters and it’s never that simple (even with actual monsters – the lovely and deadly trolls are a perfect example). The world is also packed with fascinating and beautiful locations, like the haunted ruins of a mental hospital or an ancient elven garden filled with roses. Witcher 2 can be infuriating, but it is never less than wondrous to explore and continue through.

Quests are always interesting, and rarely end the way you’d expect. What I thought was a simple grinding mission finished with an entirely different kind of grinding, let me tell you. Best mention at this point that the game’s extremely adult in places, with lots of nudity and plenty of swearing. This makes the whole thing a lot more relatable, although fortunately the writing doesn’t rely on swearing to be memorable – for example my favourite line “debauchery’s one of my favourite pastimes!”. The writing and acting is generally excellent, exceptionally well adapted from the original Polish.

One of the smaller enemies in the game

It will be the story that keeps you going as much as the quests, taking in some truly epic encounters and some exceptionally tough choices. It’s almost a Choose Your Own Adventure story come to proper life. Despite me loving every minute though, it has to be said that Act 3 and the finale are really short and don’t wrap up the storyline at all. The much vaunted “sixteen endings” don’t mean that much when they only last a minute each and don’t end anything. Still, this isn’t KOTOR2, we’ll definitely get a sequel that finishes these threads.

You may have seen the score already. It’s a 9.0, which puts The Witcher 2 in classic must-buy territory, but I’ll admit that it’s slightly grudgingly so. I’ve never come across a game that I wanted to berate as much as sing its praises. I felt like I was grumbling to myself or my friends every few minutes, like about the map being useless or a boss fight being tedious, but would I consider stopping playing? Never. The Witcher 2 can be frustrating, but it’s also a game that will suck you in and keep you talking about it for years to come.

Frankly, it’s the best game ever just for the giant chicken in the forest of penises. Stick that as our quote, Metacritic.